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Jude Watson 'Jedi Apprentice' Excerpts
Excerpts from books 5, 6, 7 & 8 used in If I Should Not Return.
'The Uncertain Path' [page 98-99]
"You are a Jedi! You have no loyalty to us. You're a stranger. You influenced Cerasi, you made her oppose me—"
"No, Neild." Obi-Wan struggled to keep his voice calm and steady. "You know that's not true. No one could ever influence Cerasi or tell her what to do. She only wanted peace. That's why I'm here."
[...]
"What are you doing here, Obi-Wan Kenobi?" Nield asked, disgust choking his voice. "You aren't part of the Young. You never were. You're not Melida. You're not Daan. You're nobody, you're nowhere, and you are nothing to me."
[...]
Where should he go? Every cord that connected him to his life had snapped. Everyone he cared about was gone.
Nield was right. Without the Jedi, without the Young, he had nobody. He was nobody.
'The Defenders of the Dead' [page 137-138]
"I'll bring the ship back," he said. "I need it now. If you could wait here—"
"No," Qui-Gon said angrily. "No, Padawan. I will not make your betrayal easy for you. If you try to take this step, know what a hard one it is."
Neither of them moved a muscle. Yet Obi-Wan knew Qui-Gon was just as prepared as he was to fight. [...]
He had no choice. The world around him was dying. He had to save it. He had to fight Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan went for his lightsaber. Qui-Gon moved only a fraction of an instant later. [...]
Here was the moment. He had only to step forward and challenge his Master. He had only to move one muscle for it to be taken as an offensive move. Then the battle would begin.
Obi-Wan met Qui-Gon's gaze and saw the same anguish he felt. He felt something within him crack, and his resolve slowly drained away. He could not do this.
Simultaneously, they both lowered their weapons. The lightsabers deactivated with a faint buzzing sound. [...]
"You must choose, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said. "You can come with me now, or stay. Know that if you stay, you are no longer a Jedi."
'The Defenders of the Dead' [page 139]
He handed his lightsaber to Qui-Gon.
"You may go, Qui-Gon Jinn. But I will stay."
It was as though the words hit Qui-Gon in the face, for he flinched. He stared down at Obi-Wan's lightsaber in his hand, not speaking. [...]
Qui-Gon did not look at him. He did not say a word. He turned and strode up the ramp, into the starfighter.
'The Uncertain Path' [page 46]
"I didn't think I would miss my family ever again. But now I want something to connect to that goes as deep as blood." [...]
"You connected to me, Cerasi," he said. "You've changed me. We support each other and protect each other. That's family, right?"
"I guess."
[...] "We'll be each other's family."
He held up his hand. This time, she pressed her palm against it.
The wind picked up, cutting through their cloaks and making them shiver. Still, they kept their palms together. Obi-Wan felt the warmth of Cerasi's skin. He could almost feel the beating of her blood against his.
"You see," he said, "I have lost everything, too."
'The Uncertain Path' [page 102-103]
“Cerasi is dead. She was caught in the crossfire between Elder and Young forces. Now each side blames the other for her death. [...]
Even Neild is ready for battle. Wehutti’s forces have rearmed. My squad has been disbanded. I have no command, no way to convince the others to disarm." [...]
"I don't know what to do," he confessed. "I am no longer a Jedi. Yet I know what a Jedi can do. And I know that only a Jedi can help. Qui-Gon, I realize I have done harm to us. Will you help me now?"
'The Uncertain Path' [page 106]
At last the day of Qui-Gon’s arrival came. Obi-Wan had been instructed to meet him directly outside the gates of the city.
He felt a rush of pleasure as he saw Qui-Gon’s tall, strong figure stride toward him. A smile of relief sprang to his face.
The smile slowly faded as he saw no answering expression. Of course, there was no smile on his Master’s face. His former Master’s face. Obviously the side of his former Padawan filled the Jedi Knight with anguish.
Qui-Gon’s expression smoothed and became neutral. He nodded at Obi-Wan. [...]
"I was very grieved to hear your news about Cerasi. [...] I am truly sorry for your loss, Obi-Wan."
"Thank you," Obi-Wan said in a constricted voice.
"There are many things to talk about," Qui-Gon continued. "But I think such things would be a distraction right now. Any problems we have with each other mean nothing in the face of a planet close to war. We should focus on the problems here."
"I agree."
"What is the latest news with Nield and Wehutti?"
'The Uncertain Path' [page 134]
"I made my decision after the war ended. I will no longer carry a weapon. I will fight no more in the name of peace. But today I might die for it."
'The Uncertain Path' [page 137]
Due to Qui-Gon's skilful negotiation and the power of Wehutti and Nield, a strong peace agreement was reached on Melida/Daan. Nield agreed to share power with the Melida and Daan Elders. No more would the city be divided, by either tribe or age.
[...] He was planning to return to the Temple. He would ask the Council if he could return to the Jedi. Qui-Gon had agreed to accompany him.
'The Uncertain Path' [page 139]
He longed to break the silence. Why was it so awkward now? Such silence was clogged with feelings, he supposed. Feelings that could not be shared.
He had to break it. He had to ask the question that tore at his heart. He was afraid of the answer, but it was worse not knowing.
"Will you ever take me back, Qui-Gon?”
The words hung in the cold air. Qui-Gon didn't answer, but kept walking.
[...] "whether you are meant to be my Padawan again is not so."
Obi-Wan’s heart fell.
'The Captive Temple' [page 2]
The Temple was on high security [...] Both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had to undergo a retinal scan before entering the Temple from the spaceport level.
'The Captive Temple' [page 6-9]
At that moment, every face on the Jedi Council turned to him. Mace Windu's intense gaze studied his face. Obi-Wan struggled to remember his Jedi training in composure. It wasn't easy to have twelve Jedi Masters staring at him.
[...]
"Obi-Wan, we are hoping that you will have insights into what Bruck Chun can and will do," Mace Windu said heavily.
"I wasn't his friend," Obi-Wan said, surprised.
"You were his rival," Mace Windu said. "That could be even more valuable to us."
Obi-Wan was at a loss. "But I didn't know Bruck well. I knew how he would move in a lightsaber duel, yes. But not what was in his mind or heart."
No one said anything. Obi-Wan struggled not to betray his apprehension. [...] Looking around the room, he did not meet one friendly eye. Even Yoda gave him no encouragement. [...]
"Of course I'll do whatever I can to help," he added quickly. [...]
"No need," Mace Windu interrupted. He laced his long fingers together. "Until a decision is made by the Council, we must ask you not to interfere with Temple business unless we ask you otherwise."
Obi-Wan felt stung. "The Temple is my home!" he cried.
"You are welcome to remain here until your situation is resolved, of course," Mace Windu said. "There is still much discussion to take place."
[...]
"[...] I feel genuine remorse for my decision. I felt right at the time, but I've come to see how wrong it was. I want nothing more than to have back what I once had. I want to be a Padawan. I want to be a Jedi."
“Have again what you had, you cannot,” Yoda said. “Different you are. Different is Qui-Gon. Every decision, a cost it has.”
[...]
Ki-Adi-Mundi spoke up. “Obi-Wan, you have violated not only the trust of Qui-Gon, but the trust of the Council. You seem not to recognize this.”
“But I do!” Obi-Wan exclaimed. “I take responsibility for it and I’m sorry for it.”
“You are thirteen years old, Obi-Wan. You are not a child,” Mace Windu said with a frown. “Why do you speak as one? Sorry does not make the offence disappear. You interfered in the internal affairs of a planet without official Jedi approval. You defied the order of your Master. A Master depends on the loyalty of the Padawan, just as the Padawan depends on the Master. If that trust is broken, the bond shatters.”
[...]
“Unclear your path is, Obi-Wan,” Yoda said with more gentleness. “Hard it is to wait. But wait you must to see your way revealed.”
“You may go, Obi-Wan,” Mace Windu said. “We must speak with Qui-Gon privately. Master Qui-Gon has agreed to allow you to keep your rooms in his quarters until a decision about your future is made.”
Obi-Wan struggled to maintain his dignity as he bowed to the Council. But he knew his cheeks burned with shame as he left the room.
'The Day of Reckoning' [page 132-133]
Obi-Wan had hoped for this. He had tried to control his impatience for it. Now here it was, and he found he had no words. He was too deeply moved to form them.
[...]
"[...]But still they must be certain of your commitment. You will have to meet with them, spend time at the Temple renewing your dedication. It will be a good thing for both of us, I think. There is a time for missions. And then there is a time for meditation and study.”
“You will be at the Temple too?” Obi-Wan asked.
Qui-Gon nodded. “It is time for reflection for me as well. [...]"
Opening segment borrows lines from 'The Dark Rival' [pages 1-7]
CHP 1
'The Uncertain Path' [page 98-99]
"You are a Jedi! You have no loyalty to us. You're a stranger. You influenced Cerasi, you made her oppose me—"
"No, Neild." Obi-Wan struggled to keep his voice calm and steady. "You know that's not true. No one could ever influence Cerasi or tell her what to do. She only wanted peace. That's why I'm here."
[...]
"What are you doing here, Obi-Wan Kenobi?" Nield asked, disgust choking his voice. "You aren't part of the Young. You never were. You're not Melida. You're not Daan. You're nobody, you're nowhere, and you are nothing to me."
[...]
Where should he go? Every cord that connected him to his life had snapped. Everyone he cared about was gone.
Nield was right. Without the Jedi, without the Young, he had nobody. He was nobody.
CHP2
'The Defenders of the Dead' [page 137-138]
"I'll bring the ship back," he said. "I need it now. If you could wait here—"
"No," Qui-Gon said angrily. "No, Padawan. I will not make your betrayal easy for you. If you try to take this step, know what a hard one it is."
Neither of them moved a muscle. Yet Obi-Wan knew Qui-Gon was just as prepared as he was to fight. [...]
He had no choice. The world around him was dying. He had to save it. He had to fight Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan went for his lightsaber. Qui-Gon moved only a fraction of an instant later. [...]
Here was the moment. He had only to step forward and challenge his Master. He had only to move one muscle for it to be taken as an offensive move. Then the battle would begin.
Obi-Wan met Qui-Gon's gaze and saw the same anguish he felt. He felt something within him crack, and his resolve slowly drained away. He could not do this.
Simultaneously, they both lowered their weapons. The lightsabers deactivated with a faint buzzing sound. [...]
"You must choose, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said. "You can come with me now, or stay. Know that if you stay, you are no longer a Jedi."
'The Defenders of the Dead' [page 139]
He handed his lightsaber to Qui-Gon.
"You may go, Qui-Gon Jinn. But I will stay."
It was as though the words hit Qui-Gon in the face, for he flinched. He stared down at Obi-Wan's lightsaber in his hand, not speaking. [...]
Qui-Gon did not look at him. He did not say a word. He turned and strode up the ramp, into the starfighter.
'The Uncertain Path' [page 46]
"I didn't think I would miss my family ever again. But now I want something to connect to that goes as deep as blood." [...]
"You connected to me, Cerasi," he said. "You've changed me. We support each other and protect each other. That's family, right?"
"I guess."
[...] "We'll be each other's family."
He held up his hand. This time, she pressed her palm against it.
The wind picked up, cutting through their cloaks and making them shiver. Still, they kept their palms together. Obi-Wan felt the warmth of Cerasi's skin. He could almost feel the beating of her blood against his.
"You see," he said, "I have lost everything, too."
'The Uncertain Path' [page 102-103]
“Cerasi is dead. She was caught in the crossfire between Elder and Young forces. Now each side blames the other for her death. [...]
Even Neild is ready for battle. Wehutti’s forces have rearmed. My squad has been disbanded. I have no command, no way to convince the others to disarm." [...]
"I don't know what to do," he confessed. "I am no longer a Jedi. Yet I know what a Jedi can do. And I know that only a Jedi can help. Qui-Gon, I realize I have done harm to us. Will you help me now?"
'The Uncertain Path' [page 106]
At last the day of Qui-Gon’s arrival came. Obi-Wan had been instructed to meet him directly outside the gates of the city.
He felt a rush of pleasure as he saw Qui-Gon’s tall, strong figure stride toward him. A smile of relief sprang to his face.
The smile slowly faded as he saw no answering expression. Of course, there was no smile on his Master’s face. His former Master’s face. Obviously the side of his former Padawan filled the Jedi Knight with anguish.
Qui-Gon’s expression smoothed and became neutral. He nodded at Obi-Wan. [...]
"I was very grieved to hear your news about Cerasi. [...] I am truly sorry for your loss, Obi-Wan."
"Thank you," Obi-Wan said in a constricted voice.
"There are many things to talk about," Qui-Gon continued. "But I think such things would be a distraction right now. Any problems we have with each other mean nothing in the face of a planet close to war. We should focus on the problems here."
"I agree."
"What is the latest news with Nield and Wehutti?"
'The Uncertain Path' [page 134]
"I made my decision after the war ended. I will no longer carry a weapon. I will fight no more in the name of peace. But today I might die for it."
'The Uncertain Path' [page 137]
Due to Qui-Gon's skilful negotiation and the power of Wehutti and Nield, a strong peace agreement was reached on Melida/Daan. Nield agreed to share power with the Melida and Daan Elders. No more would the city be divided, by either tribe or age.
[...] He was planning to return to the Temple. He would ask the Council if he could return to the Jedi. Qui-Gon had agreed to accompany him.
'The Uncertain Path' [page 139]
He longed to break the silence. Why was it so awkward now? Such silence was clogged with feelings, he supposed. Feelings that could not be shared.
He had to break it. He had to ask the question that tore at his heart. He was afraid of the answer, but it was worse not knowing.
"Will you ever take me back, Qui-Gon?”
The words hung in the cold air. Qui-Gon didn't answer, but kept walking.
[...] "whether you are meant to be my Padawan again is not so."
Obi-Wan’s heart fell.
CHP 3
'The Captive Temple' [page 2]
The Temple was on high security [...] Both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had to undergo a retinal scan before entering the Temple from the spaceport level.
'The Captive Temple' [page 6-9]
At that moment, every face on the Jedi Council turned to him. Mace Windu's intense gaze studied his face. Obi-Wan struggled to remember his Jedi training in composure. It wasn't easy to have twelve Jedi Masters staring at him.
[...]
"Obi-Wan, we are hoping that you will have insights into what Bruck Chun can and will do," Mace Windu said heavily.
"I wasn't his friend," Obi-Wan said, surprised.
"You were his rival," Mace Windu said. "That could be even more valuable to us."
Obi-Wan was at a loss. "But I didn't know Bruck well. I knew how he would move in a lightsaber duel, yes. But not what was in his mind or heart."
No one said anything. Obi-Wan struggled not to betray his apprehension. [...] Looking around the room, he did not meet one friendly eye. Even Yoda gave him no encouragement. [...]
"Of course I'll do whatever I can to help," he added quickly. [...]
"No need," Mace Windu interrupted. He laced his long fingers together. "Until a decision is made by the Council, we must ask you not to interfere with Temple business unless we ask you otherwise."
Obi-Wan felt stung. "The Temple is my home!" he cried.
"You are welcome to remain here until your situation is resolved, of course," Mace Windu said. "There is still much discussion to take place."
[...]
"[...] I feel genuine remorse for my decision. I felt right at the time, but I've come to see how wrong it was. I want nothing more than to have back what I once had. I want to be a Padawan. I want to be a Jedi."
“Have again what you had, you cannot,” Yoda said. “Different you are. Different is Qui-Gon. Every decision, a cost it has.”
[...]
Ki-Adi-Mundi spoke up. “Obi-Wan, you have violated not only the trust of Qui-Gon, but the trust of the Council. You seem not to recognize this.”
“But I do!” Obi-Wan exclaimed. “I take responsibility for it and I’m sorry for it.”
“You are thirteen years old, Obi-Wan. You are not a child,” Mace Windu said with a frown. “Why do you speak as one? Sorry does not make the offence disappear. You interfered in the internal affairs of a planet without official Jedi approval. You defied the order of your Master. A Master depends on the loyalty of the Padawan, just as the Padawan depends on the Master. If that trust is broken, the bond shatters.”
[...]
“Unclear your path is, Obi-Wan,” Yoda said with more gentleness. “Hard it is to wait. But wait you must to see your way revealed.”
“You may go, Obi-Wan,” Mace Windu said. “We must speak with Qui-Gon privately. Master Qui-Gon has agreed to allow you to keep your rooms in his quarters until a decision about your future is made.”
Obi-Wan struggled to maintain his dignity as he bowed to the Council. But he knew his cheeks burned with shame as he left the room.
'The Day of Reckoning' [page 132-133]
Obi-Wan had hoped for this. He had tried to control his impatience for it. Now here it was, and he found he had no words. He was too deeply moved to form them.
[...]
"[...]But still they must be certain of your commitment. You will have to meet with them, spend time at the Temple renewing your dedication. It will be a good thing for both of us, I think. There is a time for missions. And then there is a time for meditation and study.”
“You will be at the Temple too?” Obi-Wan asked.
Qui-Gon nodded. “It is time for reflection for me as well. [...]"
CHP 4
Opening segment borrows lines from 'The Dark Rival' [pages 1-7]